Rough Draft: Random Happenings

Previous Rough Draft: When the Girl Is Too Nice

Twin

Television volume set to about 50. The scene displayed is one of ‘making a point about society and its common parallel to something mundane or important that the greater public typically disinterested will not care for to understand exactly’. As this all makes for good writing and television, Twin is lost in a day dream. Where her mind goes is echoed through the voices and exclamations heard. She appears to watch, but her vision crossed as she drifts into a trance-like state. In her own mind she goes where enemies are marked with a clear distinction of ‘difference’. They are targets of the code enforcers. Where she places herself as the anonymous to take matters of societal devastation into her own hands.


Lisa S.
Walking away from building B12 with hands in pocket. A step onto the sidewalk, musing about past conversations and the next eat. There’s a good cheap deli place down the street, around the corner somewhere, or is it across the crosswalk and four doors down? Lisa stops mid-walk to ask for directions. Two pointing up and away, exclaiming ‘yea’ yea and thanks to hurry up and away again. On her away with a step.

A phone call, it’s mom. Hello.

“I’m calling to ask if you could pick up my prescription before you head back home.”

Yea Sure.

“Are you doing okay, do you need anything?”

Uh no I’m good, just our for some food, out walking around before I head home.

“Oh honey I made something…If you want some I’ll leave a plate in the fridge for you.” The walk sign indicates ‘go’. Lisa scuttles across the crosswalk-attempting to end this conversation short. Okay bye, love you. Shoving the phone into her pocket again-she makes her way for some gyros and seasoned fries with water. She’s on a new cut diet now to help with her…a bad habit. The group say to have a possession of an addiction will likely cause one to revert back whenever there is a wanted ‘need’. Still she’s less inclined to drink water with so much as a hint of flavor. Inside now, orders what she had in mind- sits and waits.

A phone call. Hello, oh hey, how are you? I’m going to eat real quick then I’ll call you back, alright? Alright, k bye. Order 67 is ready for Lisa. Grabs her order, takes a slight step back for a stack of napkins, sit down for a quiet chew. On her mind are the pages written on the dinning table. No time to think of something sad, she shakes her head then-continues to eat. Yazir was on the phone earlier asking for a replacement for the night. Not tonight, she needs time alone with ‘twin’ to work. Little girl so lost. A wonder of what all runs through her mind throughout the day. Lisa has not been able to establish a form of thought, an expression of love to and from her at all. Little girl mute and reserved. The effects of neglect and abuse so strong. She understands as she remembers Ramon and what he had done. Memories repressed, still, and sickening. She shakes her head one last time to negate the thoughts heavy on her mind. There’s a hair in my sandwich.

Not worth the trouble to raise the issue. Standing up from the booth to trash the rest, she walks out onto the streets again. Oh yea, mom’s prescription. Lisa makes her way to Ripe Prescription further down. Another location seeming to close permanently by tomorrow.

A quick call back to Yazir to give a summary of an excuse thought up before. She’ll honor a change later in the week. A slow walk to the bus stop, destination to her next stop to walk home.



 

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Rough Draft: When the Girl Is Too Nice

Previous Rough Draft: When You’re Older
Lisa S.

I told Elia that I’m tired of her shenanigans.

Lisa puffs on gas with her bro ‘J’. His name is Joseph and he’s a gas supplier, and everything else ‘feeling good’. Despite his dealings he’s an overall good guy, really. One that listens to his buyers as they share a bud, or another bad habit. A good guy always around with an ear for listening and time to pass.

“Shenanigans?” J questioned with a raised eyebrow and a smile.

Yea I told her that the love shit is for the birds. And she’s wasting my time, but I allow it since she’s beautiful to me. It’s time to move on, you know to swim with the fishes.

J laughs with her descriptions. Never the type of person is she to describe something verbatim, no that would be boring. Lisa is a favored customer, always entitled to some good hospitality because she humors him a bit.

“So we’re going to mention the whole animal kingdom about love then?” “Alright.” J passes the roach over to Lisa after inhaling. Exhale to allow smoke to cloud the space in front of them. “But for real I’m tired of her shit too bro.” J removes his hat to wipe his brow. “Always fucking with the emotions. I wouldn’t tolerate that with my girl.”

Lisa interrupts with a snide remark. If you had a girl.

J glances at Lisa with a face expression appearing serious but the look so controlled to indicate a habit of joking makes for good conversation too. “I can get a girl and I got a girl, just that she’s on vacation right now.”

To where?

“She’s just taking a break until I find her and call her up again.” J said while stammering, beckoning for his turn again.

You’re lame dude. Anyway, I told her that I can’t have just her anymore. Really, the girl from my childhood, cute as can be, and fine as ever now, still plays me. Then I had to step back and reflect for a minute. Like I’m good, well I’m of average looks…

“Right, right”

So I should be able to pick and choose which best fish to eat for a night or two, right?

“Right man, and really if you were into guys I might say what’s up to you too.” J shrugs while opening up a bag of sunflower shell-less seeds. He pours a handful, throwback into his mouth. Looking back at Lisa again, head slanted, chewing carelessly.

Lisa lightly pushes him off of his chair. A dramatic exchange of looks and laughter as he scrambles to find his seating again.

Women are just complicated, really she’s complicated. I told her too that she can’t just want me for one night. As if I am a person without emotions or a doll that’s like a blank slate.

“Oh like that doll in Black Reflection, to be what that lady had in a fiancé-a broken record of the past.”

I love that show.


When You’re Younger

Have you ever met innocence? This is a girl most likely young at heart, mind and body. She’s eager to play, to find adventure with another, yet reserved.

On a play ground standing by the swing set, she looks over to see children at play. Playing with leaves, climbing on the monkey bars, even the trees until Ms. Teacher comes over to bring him down. Little girl standing alone. She then stoops down to take a look at the ants. All the while disturbing their paths to a large kill…

Another little girl appears before her to witness the natural scene. “What are you doing?” asked the blonde one. I’m looking at ants, see. The blonde one stoops down to look down with the dark haired one. Picking up a leaf, a rock to pick up a cluster of ants feeding on a carcass.

A few boys are on the open field, rumbling and tumbling over the game of hand egg. Sweaty, nearly tired, pushing and tugging at the other for an imaginary goal not quite specifically defined. Two seeming to talk and shout at once. Three collapse onto one; screams and shouts in victory. They retire their play. Each encouraging with every other step to walk back to the main play ground.

The dark haired one looks up at the blonde one. The blonde one just as intrigued in the bugs and flowers, everything else not seeming to matter. A sense of fluttering and lightness of air around. A nice girl she may think. The blonde one catches her eye and smiles. This is nice she thinks.

The boys have made it to the main play ground. One on the far right points, utters “Look!” for the others to see. It is a time for teasing. In their view are two girls seeming too close for attention. Not just the two girls, together, but the weird one with dark hair. Whose ‘parents’ are not real as their mothers tell them. An abomination it is for two women to raise a girl that wants to be a boy, it seems. One boy carrying the leather egg decides to throw it at the dark haired one. A graze to the head, the dark haired one stands up in frustration.

Back and forth teasing, while this one boy, then another joins in to call her a ‘lesbian’. Frustrated as she is, the dark haired one seems useless in defense of taunting brats. The blonde witnesses all shy in her demeanor. Though a struck of courage befalls, she tells the boys to “shut up”. They all retort the same back. She then throws rocks and whatever else she may find at her feet. The dark haired one falling into tears, wipes away to join hands and to throw together. The boys have scattered.

Turn towards one another for a smile, hands still joined together.

Rough Draft: When You’re Older

Previous Rough Draft: A Reflection

Lisa S.

I cannot look to you without reminding myself of all the pain and confusion I’ve caused you. I know that it isn’t your fault that you are here but…just, dammit I wish you wasn’t.

Lisa is stifled by tears, overwhelming her body and her will to write. Pen and paper on the dining table, now smudged with blued-black ink. Her sweater sleeved used as a napkin to wipe tears of fear and frustration. What does she write? Littering the pages with the fear of judgment that may implore her with questions of ‘why?’ She may regret this letter written she thinks. She sobs in tears. A letter to her secret child, wanting forgiveness. What is there to forgive? She had left her secret child confused and abandoned.

I tried my best but this thing, this relationship I cannot do. At least not now, I mean that I need time to learn how to love what I hated and blamed for so long.

Lisa takes a pause, a deep breath, while wiping away tears as she confesses:

See I wanted mom to take you away. If she could not do it, I wanted to take it away myself. I spent those months with you, inside of me, causing pain. The pain so unbearable sometimes that I even contemplated suicide. Not just to take my own life, but yours too-the subject of my pain and discomfort. I wanted you out, right then, taking pills if I could. Drinking what I was not allowed to drink. You have to understand the mental anguish you see, draining every bit of my… ‘soul’- I don’t know how else to word it. But now I look to you and see everything that is sweet and beautiful.

Trembling now as she writes the last words-to each written word turned into a sentence. With every letter revealing her cruelty, misplace blame and hatred on a child innocent. A child that did not ask to be, but has become something quite pleasing to the vision, quite pleasant to hear. How can she shatter the perfection? This now young woman, almost, face crumbling due to disappointment and a product of family shame. But her secret child needs to know the truth, to then understand that though it hurts, it is a story called life. Here in this story exist no person perfect; no feeling of emotion provided the correct course of action. These emotions written are matters of the heart and as it is sensitive, prone to cause more harm and trouble, it has every right to be read aloud.


Secret Child

JR pushes the clothes on the rack in excitement. Her first day as a senior, last road trip as a teenager. Where does she go? Pursuing her dreams in ‘Cali’, hoping to be something more like a national icon. She has the beauty and the smarts, well, we know that her beauty will take her far.

Turning to mom, asking for advice on the color, size and style of her crop top or off the shoulder look for the first day. Mom disapproving of new generation, but yields, pretty baby will get her way. Anything for her she supposes, not that she is treated any differently from the other girls. Dad walks up from behind to ask mom for the keys. He had left his wallet in the truck and thought to bring it round to the front. To sit and wait per usual, or whenever they were satisfied, purchased and ready. Mom hands the keys over, without turning, from her purse. Dad leans in for a nudge or something. Stepping away to the side-she’s too busy for an affectionate touch. She’s really trying to monitor and parent poor, almost raunchy styles.


Lisa S.

Time for a break.

Lisa scoots back her chair, stands up to enter the kitchen for a drink. Who cares if she counts one more day of sobriety. A moment of afterthought, she grabs the juice. Closes the fridge, walk and sip. Where to go back to? She enters the dining room again, yet walks past the paper and pen. She is need of rest for her mind. Into the kitchen again for a tall glass and some ice. A preference for chilled juices. Walks into the living area for the television.

A wonder the imagination can be-but nothing remotely interesting today or any other day. Plopped down on the sofa, relaxed, frustratingly pointing the remote every which way for recognition.

“Ugh, turn dammit” Sport clips, baby mama drama; bored to death wealthy people constantly in drama…Oh, scientific discoveries or the classics?

Too much time to think, too much on the mind. Lisa chose the classics.

Mr. Grant thinking he was fine as ever. Who is this? Another damsel or dame? Never mind, the characters were well dressed, naturally rehearsed. The music and time presenting something fine and delicate during all the shit storm going on then.

Her mind, where is her mind? Stop. Her mind clouded with thoughts of her, then thoughts of she. What and where? How come this and why not that? Her mind running through every obsessive thought of what cannot ever become altered through introduction, or intervention. Stop.

She calls twin from her room.

She’s probably hungry.


Twin

Not every story is about emotional devastation, yet these are the stories that make for good, or rather decent, writing. What more relatable than the topic of love, anger, or something so emotionally devastating to cause a person the imagination of wrenching out a bleeding heart forever pumping and gushing for familiar continuity.

Like a nasty break up:

Heart in anger- a contest to prove who was better in stating the same concern over again. Passionate anger now, to hear the other out. Love, the two will speak of it in different languages it seems. Love spinning around and round again in a room. Dizziness follows as the two contested are falling out of breath, out of words to express more of what will be left misunderstood. This exhaustion clinging for understanding-begging and pleading for affection, or really to be heard.

What have they produced instead? A tormented child caught between two extremities of the words love and hate. Twin, too abandoned and forgotten. Left isolated at so young of an age that she fell into silence. A deafening silence for whenever she enters the room. Slow, mechanical like walk to and from where she is called. To and from and where she may go, to walk aimlessly at night in the woods. Where does she go and for how long? No one knows. Lisa knows she is troubled, so let her be…she understands.

Lisa makes lunch for Twin, something simple as she’s unable to voice her thoughts. Fried egg hard seasoned with salt and pepper, slice of ham, tomatoes and olive mayo spread between two whole grain slices. Perhaps some chips around the plate and juice as well.

Rough Draft: A Reflection

Lisa S.

She claimed to have loved you. A simple statement covering all the mischaracterization and lies she wrote, to you, while in admiration. She claimed to love you for you. It was your smile that brightened her day. Your thoughts on the latest news, and all other topics concerning politics to religion. It was your beauty she grabbed, and mastered to then coerce your passions for her body and mind. All the physical and mental affirmation of love claimed to be faithful. ‘I love you’, Elia said straining to hold back. “And if anything happened to you I won’t be able to go further”. She only liked you when you were funny, not like this moping about. She only wanted to be around you because you’re different. And there is nothing more exhilarating than to add color to one’s life.

A young woman experiencing that new phase called love, yet she is already burnt out. What did Elia’s love mean to her in translation? “I love you because your mind is tormented and your life is not altogether”. PAUSE. “I love you because right now, you need to hear it”. A waste of breath. A waste of time and energy put forth to make the best of a toxic situation. Elia cares, but she’s heartless and self-centered. Lisa feels emotionally depleted, now. A love seeming to be the end of everything the future could promise in true love and affection. How to take her mind from Elia’s lies? She tried cursing her name. She tried a new love, yet that proved a pointless effort. Every new love a pointless effort.

Ear buds in, cell phone in hand, Lisa subdues the noise within her mind. Scrolling through her playlist to search for passionate anger and frustration about love. Searching for that song, and those lyrics about the troubles of love on a young heart. The song about that girl so trifling and dishonest about her character; deceptive about the cause of her love. She finds it, plays it. From the low taps of the drums to the shriek of the heartfelt singer she closes her eyes- Elia never loved me.



Elia M.

Elia lays with Dylan. Their love will be celebrated within a few months, so something right and special for him is being decided. Something right… Elia knows she will not find another guy like Dylan, as sweet and with patience so rare to find. He deserves someone better, certainly more attentive and sure of who she is and what exactly does she want. A woman that will treat him as the only person that matters most, adoringly and as a best friend. Elia has a best friend, the one isolate and always troubled and in need of comfort.
You love her dearly but not in the way that it is meant. You please her in every aspect, sexually too. Though in your complicated affair you cannot part from Dylan. To spare his feelings is never a contemplated thought as you love him. You cannot part from your friend as to do so would leave her so devastated, bouncing on and off her habit again. You’re not responsible but you feel obligated-to both. I mean Dylan is for your image, for your parents to accept you. For society to see that you too have conformed to what is right. All that fake exchange of pleasantries and then that dreaded presentation of a ring. What would you say if he asked? A sense of hesitation sits on your mind. To erase everything, shake your head, stand up and walk out. Making your way to the dining room you take your phone. Tell Lisa that you miss her.