A perspective to a few words, phrases and thoughts that I will expound upon. This is a way to practice my skill in writing, as well to write various subjects of interest.
Never tell other people about your personal problems.
Never ever reveal how vulnerable you are to situations found common in every life.
Never expose yourself to others.
I have been told by family and strangers also that my problems, any person’s problem, are to be kept private. We, generally typing here, may feel inclined to inquire about a person’s woes and sorrows but that is only ‘polite’. No one wishes to be burden by what we all go through, especially at present.
No one wish to know that you too are struggling to afford rent, mortgage or a bill necessary to shelter life.
If you ever mention your troubles with work, finding a job adequate or simple enough to afford the necessities…find yourself chasing after a person to listen.
Why is that the case with our society? To avoid troubles and difficulties of others, yet to demand a persuasion of happiness.
If we are not creating an illusion, then why must we speak? Motivational speakers in our everyday life speak of overcoming a situation with applause in agreement. Don’t speak of it, simply overcome in order to prove that ‘this too shall pass’.
I’ll tell you something here: I want to listen.
Tell me more about your situation-a bank teller that smiles all day until you inquire more about her. She struggles to financially support her children.
A homeless man sits at the same corner all day and all night, until you inquire as to why he sits. He lost his way years ago, as a veteran and husband.
A crew member working alone to provide service to customers coming in all direction. She’s yelled at and scoffed; considered to be too incompetent. She was convinced by her manager that if she can handle this then a promotion will be handed to her. Disappointed now as she remains in her current position until quitting day.
A man steals and is caught. In jail he faces his time and I’ll ask why. He couldn’t afford what was needed so he took the items instead. So I ask, why not ask a stranger if they could help you with a purchase? To ask is to be considered a burden and and more of a reason for them to clutch their purses tighter. Not to be judgmental necessarily but to warn off those that have reached the breaking point they’ll never consider.
I find this all to be peculiarly devastating. Rallying in the polls we demand a politician to represent our interest to overcome. Though so polarized, one believes the other is not adequately heard by simple slight difference of opinion. A slight disagreement to alleviate the suffering of all others. This then, creates a bubble of arguments on top of the issue we all share. We are all troubled and struggling in some way and at some point in our lives.
You know, we could allow time to actively listen. If we can pull together in times of national crisis televised then we can do so for any and all people. To consider one stranger as person, then to understand that person being no different than our self.
Corruption begins when a person thinks of their self and personal afflictions. Corruption continues because this person cannot keep their own secret. They must share it and share with someone feeling obligated to comply to a demand.
You do this for me because I do for you. What you do for me, I’ll ensure to return the favor.
Lies are spun from the first panic effort to now a routine of lies to justify a system. Honesty, then, is seen as a threat and the first to reveal the lies are now a conflict of interest.
What you have done is complicate my benefit. What I will do to you is now a misplaced truth.
Guilty conscience is taught by nurture, for the most part, so we cannot lie or do so for long. We must tell, if ever the truth is told. We must reveal now but blame it on the most fair among us.
He did it and this is how it was done. I would have said something but to say anything at all would make me a target.
Some think to comply is more just than to be seen as an accomplice. The benefits seems to be like a cherry, in order to not consider the dire consequences.
The lost of a job, a career, a home, a family and any honor to your name is less important than the cherry on top.
And then to feel the bearing weight of a system crashing down on the tune of your whistle is seemingly too much to witness.
There is always a chance to evade consequences if someone else is to blame.
Here I think, why go through the trouble?
If you are stressed for money, why not choose honesty?
If you are stressed for an opportunity, why not choose honesty?
And if you are ever pressed to participate in either, then why not expose the selfish?
The attention is drawn to you and that is nerve racking. To speak up for oneself is nerve racking, however it is necessary if you ever want to clear your name. Make it be known to all that I care for integrity. I want for better, yet I’m not desperate. My actions are usually justified in its truth.
Let it be known what you stand for if so or if not pressured another way.
Some young women are naturally esteemed. Their aura commanding attention, even while expressing insecurities, playfully to reassure again that they are admired. For what it is worth, to be regarded so, is a breathable life sentence. Unless she forgets again that we all age, and fail to understand the remarkable attraction of matured beauty too. She’ll compare to what was yesterday and not to factor in her progression: a beautiful girl to young woman and now this, a matured lady. Beauty is as it is seen by her admirers, especially one so naturally gifted, but importantly as seen of herself. And so it seems most women may lose that sense of their self.
Other women attempt to achieve this sense, too, though unsuccessful with their pride diminished upon each word, look, or gesture that causes hurt. About other women, every possible chance to crush the glimpse of pride in her eyes most likely by an acquaintance. She is so often taunted and told otherwise of what she may state so boldly. My smile, is the best part of me. Your smile, as gaped as can be seen, why do you smile so often and about everything? She fades away to the eye. Her stance, then it is critiqued and criticized. You could be yourself, but not with the others, especially those that hold attention with high regard. You could be this way but you are always that way and now so easily pushed. Last, a comment made with a side eye and a sneer, any one made surely to break away attention; a gaze in her direction. A trick so often played by the acquaintance. Here I witness so many women held back by their own awakening – a sense of her own beauty.
To Angelou, we share our fascination of her. Her words and her wisdom, may I say her views of herself. How she could turn the heads of influential, remarkable, brilliant men to listen to her as equal. What was that sense about her? Angelou wrote of it, of herself, a phenomenal woman. You are one among many, a phenomenal woman. As you sing and dance, yet too shy to do before company . I still envision the same confidence within you. A phenomenal woman, despite what they say that may bring you down some.
To you I write, I see where you may be flawed. Whenever I see your head bowed with a voice whispered so low about being not pretty, I’m lost. Your eyes smile along with you as you express any thought of joy. Then without embarrassment you may sing to yourself and dance along to an image of yourself, but to stop if someone may take an interest. Why? In embarrassment, for so long you are told you cannot do what someone so naturally gifted may do. To be put down and criticized for every thought you may have of your own beauty. This is why I am lost, you are convinced of what others taunt while misunderstanding or timid. What they may refuse to acknowledge is not for you to expect in validation. As a young woman you must see, over time, that you are made as you may feel. You appear as you may have yourself. And that you can be renewed again, of confidence, if you so choose to see it.
Another yesterday news described the sudden death of a 10 year old. Under the constant agony of children too limited to understand that words in fact hurt, the young child had committed suicide.
Some of the first defense by adults is to blame the victim. The victim was not tough enough. The victim should have been taught to fight back. The victim should have been taught to meet violence with violence, and to equal harsh words with their own. Why the need to ‘toughen’ the victim with this idiocy-a world where we are expected to be cruel and nasty? Why? It’s with this understanding that the world isn’t nice and life isn’t fair, therefore only the ‘weak minded’ may slip away as the ‘strong willed’ succeed. This is life and this is the first lesson.
What, just why should there be a need to defend at all? Not just a child, as this issue extends well into adulthood- and we wonder how young bullies are shaped and made. We are always taught to, or even expected to allow the bully to win over our minds and confidence by engaging them in their own struggle. If we lose, yet live we proved our worth still, even if it may escalate the bully’s intentions. If we win, we proved our worth, may even expose the cowardice of the bully. If we fail to meet the pointless challenge to the bully’s ego it is then society that hounds us for not defending our worth. And it is pointless to engage as with this understanding we allow the bully to control the situations of either a life scarred or of sudden death. We then make it seem as if the bully is in the ‘right’, while all others unable to or not willing to engage are in the ‘wrong’.
I mean I understand the pointless matter of this challenge all too well. Growing up not understanding why I, quiet and only concerned with myself, would find harsh words lashed at me. Or to hear of false assumptions about my character used as a weapon. Or in some cases, being physically ridiculed in front of witnesses to test my patience. I had only lost my patience once. This extends from memories of an 8 year old to that of 21 year old in college, in a communal situation. For the life of me I could not understand why I was tested, essentially. Comments made about my appearance, lack of engagement in social settings, etc, etc. I had to be told that it’s a game we play to disturb the peace of an individual so that their worth is proved. Again, only once did I engage. He kicked me and laughed so I kicked him back, madly. All that I learned is that I was furious that my peace was disturbed and I didn’t feel any better being just as equally cruel and nasty. He had won me over, and I played his game. All other altercations I ignored with my face quenched or to show that I was slightly annoyed but no longer listening. At some point I had allowed them to talk, to laugh and to point at me until this became ‘boring’ to them. Left alone only for a moment, for another person or group to test me yet again. Until now no longer.
I was never driven to suicide or self harm, but depression did take a hold of me during these times. Not that their words and actions hurt me, just that I was more so hurt that this is how they were towards someone seemingly different. And hurt by that I must endure this treatment to be taught a lesson, or to be told ‘this is simply how people are so get on board and play along or become left.’ For others like myself we may move along and endure, others play, and some others ‘fail to defend’.
We shouldn’t have to allow our world to be met and decided by that of a bully. We should not have to defend, to allow the peace of an individual to be disturbed. This too should be taught and engrained into our children so that they may forever silence the adult bully. We should not have to do anything other than to counsel the bully, to source the root of their unwillingness to live peacefully-as the problem lies and first begin with that person.
After writing Hashtag ‘Talk To Someone’ the thought occurred to me that I should share this fact to two people. I told my mom and I told my only associate. I told my mom that I have a strong desire to just simply walk away. I told my associate that I rather not waste time on another person again, expecting them to be honest and truthful about their nature or character. My mom called me to tell me that, of course, I’m not alone. It’s a mental illness that runs throughout our family, from a grand mother that suffered from a more severe mental illness. Depression is a common illness in my family, something I know my mom to have. She told me that she too becomes depressed, to cry at night. I know the source of her problems, one that refuses to just leave on his own accord. A selfish and self-centered human being, just as the individuals I have encountered throughout my life so far. She told me that she too will cry, only to roll over and to fall asleep. To wake up and to pray that everything will be better. She told me of her distractions too, one that I have been aware of and concerned about as I age. The two parts of the conversation that…when my mom told me that she will cry sometimes, I found it difficult to imagine. You see, in my mind and through my observations growing up, I have never once seen my mom, or my dad cry. Though every time the topic of depression surfaces my mom will tell me that yes, they are human too and that they too express a common human physical response to emotions. I still find it difficult to imagine that my mom is just as vulnerable as I am. Even if I have witnessed her sad, I have never witnessed her to cry.
She told me that yes, as I grow older the more my nature will become challenged. She has always known and accepted that her two children are different from other children. She has had to explain and to defend to her own family members why and how her children are different. Per society standards, as young black people, my younger brother and I fail to be loud, eccentric, or to ‘live in the moment’. We are so different because we both value intellectualism, idealism, concept knowledge, abstract thinking, an inclination to reason and to challenge established norms. All that is considered odd because we are black; all that is considered disrespectful in some cases. An important point to make as this a cause for our experience in being bullied and harassed, as well for others to misinterpret who we are. The greater point here is that we are both quiet introverts, something strange to a group of people that only understand ‘voices are to be raised and heard’. This is my nature, to live in a world that is so loud and demanding for myself to speak up and state your position clearly for us all to hear. What else did my mom tell me? She told me that I am sensitive because I care. And she’s right. I have always been sensitive. I have always been the one to care a great deal about how others are in their nature.
When I care, I care to understand the purpose and point of it all. I am also inclined to apply logic to what is emotional. As I described within my article of confession, the source of my depressed state has always been other people. Not only the fact that people generally make me anxious and uncomfortable, as I am hyper-aware that they have the ability to judge. People, as individuals who are all typically self-centered, unkind, judgmental and rude. I grew up within an environment where the strongest individuals were those that are rude, seemingly uncaring of other’s emotions and careless with emotions. Though they reveal how truly vulnerable they are whenever they feel the need to take revenge on those that may mistake them as weak. That is to return hatred with hate. Or to not concern themselves with the disadvantages of others by forming an attitude whenever asked for a favor, because the thought of being ‘used’ matters more than a person truly in need. It is along the lines of this fact and those type of behaviors that caused me to be sensitive and to care a great deal into understanding them. To understand why such forms of behavior are expected to be justified.
Love
I am to apply logic to what is emotional. If you do not love a person, yet you tell them so as an obligated response within a relationship, why do you do it? What compels you, a person with emotions, to lie to someone else with emotions as well? This may apply to your current partner, spouse, friend, or even child and parent. Why is it deemed an obligation to face another human being and to lie about how you may feel about that person? In this society, or as I’m referring to the United States poor cultural habits, we are to lie to a person in order to spare their feelings. We are to believe that initial honesty within relationships are to be forgotten and regarded as sensitive matter not worth the trouble to share and to tell. Though we are creatures with the urge to tell. Instead of initial honesty, some people may tell a person their true feelings in a more passive sense. Instead of telling the person ‘I do not love you’, the unloving individual will purposefully purchase an item different from what you asked for exactly. Instead of confessing one’s true feelings, the person may lash out in anger over something petty or insignificant. As there are many ways to tell a person that you love them without those exact words, there are many ways to do the opposite. For whatever reason the exact purpose or point of this behavior is not understood.
The question remains ‘why do you do it?’
Trust
The idea of trust is foreign. Actually, Pew Research Center has found that U.S. Americans are unable to trust their neighbors more so now than before. This fact is associated to different environments where poverty and [apparent] crime are heavily concentrated and specific. This fact too remains as our society becomes increasingly more diverse and that our economy becomes increasingly dire. On the subject of relationships, we find it difficult to trust another person. And whenever a person expresses a sense of distrust in others, not considering those that are in abusive situations, the attitude that surfaces proves to be damaging. The idea of a lack of trust in individuals initially is the fear that all others will prove to be damaging to the person. Then a vicious cycle has been created. One person refusing to trust may become agitated, rude and the like towards someone that may be honest with their emotions. Then the one honest by their emotions may then become distrustful of others, because of their experience with people that are agitated and rude. So on and so forth until a large population of people warn their children, or to give advice to someone that is troubled-that this is simply how people are.
Then there are those whose fears are confirmed as they are left abandoned in their personal issue to trust. In their minds it is then confirmed that people are not only untrustworthy, but they are just as uncaring as expected. A misunderstanding is then formed as every relationship is either sabotaged or put to a test.
Judgement
The fear to be ‘used’ is a fear to be judged by others. It seems that within our culture we must display a hard surface that is not easily penetrated by others. This is to say, if we are ever to find ourselves in a situation that causes for the kindness of heart we are told to never let it bleed. If we are to allow the heart to bleed we may find ourselves stripped of our dignity; of our possessions, time, money and body. If we are to allow ourselves to be ‘used’ we may find ourselves weak and judged. The last association we should want to have to our name is that we are easy and vulnerable. And the last thought we wish to have is someone, either closely associated or a stranger, to judge us.
So in turn a person establish clear boundaries of what requests are okay. One may find a person reluctant to give another person in need a ride to work. The reason given that it is their responsibility to have their own transportation, so if I were to forget then oh well. They will know. Of course a favor that is offered is a favor given in kindness. However, this is deed is concerned by how others may interpret the action as being ‘too much’. And by ‘too much’ meaning too easy, too vulnerable, well then anyone can ask this person anything and they will give. The fear to be judged, as applies to this examples and others not mentioned here, trumps the act of kindness.
It is those subjects and others more personal that causes me to feel disheartened. It is those understandings I have formed that leaves me to be questionable and concerned about others. But my mom told me, too in this conversation-that I will certainly lose myself in them. She told me, encouraged me to find my happy. As she told me about her distractions from reality, or what keeps her going and anticipating for more, I was thinking of my happy. I had written in my confession that walking and writing are my happy. If one ever writes something sad or discouraging it always best to end with something that is hopeful or that it is a remedy. I am truthful in what allows me to escape though. I find my happy in those activities and in exercise. Obesity in the U.S. is another anticipated writing, as it was my personal experience as well. I never knew that exercise, taking a risk to lift something heavy would excite me so.
As I partake in all activities that are my happy, the conclusion then is that I should focus on myself. As my close associate told me, it’s alright to focus on yourself now. Then when you are ready to open up and to allow a person into your life again it will be worth it. If someone cannot accept who you are then it is their loss- to forget someone worth knowing about.
I’m not in the belief that my heart is so pure that I am without flaws too. I understand how my nature can be off-putting; seeming to cause conflict with others. This is true that I am sensitive about the greater sense of human behavior, but as far as individual troubles I seem more bothered by the request to listen and to answer. Well, especially since I assume the person is wanting for an answer to their troubles that is based on logic, rather than to simply listen and to agree. I disregard social cues. I may even belittle a person for simply being human without understanding what all I am saying or doing to that person. I am always willing to add self-criticism in addition to what I understand to be flaws in human behavior. I am human too, of course. And I am guilty of assuming one of those subjects of behaviors listed above. My inability to trust as I deny any chance to have close association with others or to form a relationship of any kind. My attitude then becomes of rudeness and being overcritical of how this too may fail. All because of my depression, pessimism and the like.
My mom told me to find my happy, but to also form happy thoughts. The concept here is that if I accept the negative thoughts that only deepens my depression, then to assume positive thoughts will increase my level of contentment. In that time I may attract the same within my environment and with others to be happy, as my close associate told me. In that case, to find what will work is the ability to find a balance.
A Perspective to a Word 