Death to Meritocracy


Vegetable Oil

Soiled Pants

Soiled Shirt.

5 hours have passed without a break. 3 employees leave post rush to rest before their next job hour. 2 new employees failed to show to help after. Four cars back to back flowing in line with the 2:30PM to 5:00PM after work and school crowd-unconcerned with the conditions inside.

3 meal deals, 2 junior shakes. 4 small burgers and a large drink half and half. 6 small nuggets with four medium sized fries, minds have changed instead. 2 number 10 meals with medium fries and drink, an additional small hamburger and 2 medium fries. Seemingly last order, 3 triple burgers cooked fresh please, with no salt on the fries cooked fresh please, and three drinks with no ice, half and half for two.

Legs begin to feel worn, feet are sore and the hips longing for a seat to rest on. The mouth is dry from over use of the same ‘welcome’ phrase and faked pleasantries exchanged with customers. The belly rumbles now with senses heightened to the smell of salt, animal fat and grease. All of the foods that’ll make you groggy. Unable to be enjoyed in the slightest as you are there to take the order, take the money, take the next order, fill the first order bag and even drop fried products for a position abandoned.

‘Why?’ All you may ask yourself is ‘why’ do you accept this job, then these work conditions. You’re unfulfilled and tired most days. The only means to enjoy your work is to complain with fellow workers that these conditions are deplorable. But I need work because I have financial responsibilities to afford the life decent for myself, or for child. 8 hours have passed, with two more to go, though, with certainty, you will be asked to stay an extra hour or two because no one works nights and weekends. All that must be faked with a smile comes to a halt with attitude, groans and rants about a life much better but too improbable to reach.

How unlikely?

Well first of all you are here in fast food because of your lack of relevant work experience. In a society that prides itself in experience as being the proof that someone is able and competent fall short often because we are so subjective.

Legacy names, reference from the inside will be considered first if experience is lacking.

Skin color, beauty will determine the applicant as a cultural fit or an innate charismatic gift.

Appearance or actual age will give the assumption of being persuasive and experienced. Or to have no relevance to the quickened pace and progression with new ideas and technology.

Cycle of Success

The trajectory of life is already guided by whom you may been born to…

My work is situated among a business complex, a public high school and a private high school. Each moment after 2:30PM depresses more as you noticed the private high school kids will already make it further than you. My bosses boss owns the franchise and the private high school. His sons owns an extension of the franchise. Their children attend the private school that is directly across from the public school. No other purpose to spend over $5,000 in tuition other than to state: these children will have the best resources, the best opportunities, the best universities to choose from, the first pick of a career to settle a family into the same cycle of success.

I do not envy other’s success, instead I question how may we obtain this assumption that the best person has been found because they check every mark? If their name isn’t known, then they may have a reference. If there is no reference, the perception of skin color then beauty will guide them to the top pile of interviewed applicants. Then age, the younger the better but not appearing too young as to be assumed unaware and unsure. To not have experience is what is said to those not checking every mark. This is my issue in the discovery of the college admission bribery.
Does It Matter Where You Go To College?

Some of us already knew that the key to success was rigged from the beginning, but with proof and court cases…has our society began to make a turn? No longer will forced merit, money and economic status of parents be the determining power of this generation and the next influence.

I am sure that there is talent hidden in poverty. A hopeful discouraged by present conditions of unpleasant work. An older adult now regretting that they allowed certain conditions to lessen their strive for influence. With this news plastered for all to reckon with their own privileges, are we hinting towards an egalitarian society?

It will be the greatest quest to tackle the various topics that fall under the economic strife at present.


Outsourced jobs

Recession recovery

Living wages

Free education

Crippling capitalist society

Then the specific skin color, gender, ethnic, age etc. aspects that activist point to protest separately.

I do wonder have we reached the point to where it is now unacceptable that there are more ‘have nots’ than ‘haves’. That their conditions, as first described, isn’t an acceptable predicament. So that opportunities can be given equally… what a dream to have a different circumstance and only one mentioned in science fiction.

Tougher Talking Points

“As president, I would describe the good and the bad, and offer prescriptions for how to fix what’s broken. Instead of an exercise in patting the back of my administration…”

John K Delaney The Right Answer: How We Can Unify Our Divided Nation

In addition, I will not boast of vague predictions in order to only bring a rallying cry for a slight resolution.

Our Nation In Crisis

As a nation we are definitely polarized on the same issue. On the issue of employment, one rallying cry is to enforce a business friendly environment to continue job growth and presence within the United States. The other side state an emphasis on the worker and the environment, for better wages and conducive living, in order to contribute to a growing economy. Both sides are pitted against the other as being more correct on how to better solve our crisis with political parties and politicians aligning instead of collaborating likely thoughts. Both sides are wanting the same outcome, or a productive society with citizens employed and contributing towards growth.

Most U.S. Americans are wanting for a change, a collaboration of some kind on similar issues greatly affecting this nation. On issues of healthcare, employment, and education are all major political and social issues constantly picked and peeled to specific details given to bickering voters. Those voters then pick a side, only to bemoan the result of one political party against the other. The U.S. American voters are definitely part of the cause and the solution to those major issues. By means of alleviating the shared pains of nothing getting done, how about we address our faults in order to better our shared complaints.

Moving forward on the topic of homelessness: on my last post I have supported the cause towards addressing homelessness within Gwinnett County, GA. To not only better quantify the number of those homeless or precariously housed, but to address how and why homelessness occur. As well, what measures to take within my state that’ll then revolve our nation. The issue of homelessness is one of the direct results of our employment crises. An issue blamed on individual lack of responsibility, though actually the fault of our current housing, living and employment crisis.

One topic called to address one of the symptoms of our crises is rising unemployment. From local governments to the federal level, unemployment is one of those key talking points to seek confidence in the constitutes and voters. As well to give a job well done to the current political party in office whenever unemployment rates are lowered, and especially lowered by racial demographics. More Americans possessing some kind of legal, verifiable income is a job done. Though not a job well done considering how those jobs created, reinstated, or made available by opening are not specified as being full-time expected living wage jobs according to the current cost of living per locality of the individual.

This means if the cost of living including: housing costing $850+ per month, groceries $150 per week, utilities $250+ per month, car notes $400+ per month and maintenance $150+ or all equal to nearly $2,000+ month. Then the starting federal living wage should be at or slightly above $15 per hour for a full time worker.

Currently the federal minimum wage is $7.25 per hour. A full time worker at the present minimum wage ($7.25), between or near the expected minimum wage ($15) still are unable to afford a two bedroom apartment alone or as a single family across the United States. This is an often stated, alarming fact that wages are too low to simply afford the essential, and most expensive, unit of all-shelter.

What measures that are being taken is currently divided. Between those advocating for more business friendly environments versus social and economic welfare of those disadvantaged, neither have come close to resolving millions of Americans currently homeless or precariously housed. This means lowered taxes and regulations to help encourage business owners to remain, or to remain within the country. On the other side activist for social welfare to add to low wages, or to advocate for higher wages and regulations from business owners. Neither side seen as a single issue that can be compromised, rather an unhelpful disagreement of how to fix a nation, a state, or city one way.

This is why I have chosen my current county, Gwinnett County, GA as it is a representative of the nation. A nation chosen in particular by foreigners as prosperous new beginning and one natives depend on first for economic and social growth. A county, chosen by outsiders and foreigners as a prosperous beginning for education, economic and social success. Both having a first impression of success and that success is achievable for the majority. From the materials to the basic units of living-food, clothing and shelter are mirrored from the county to the nation as being a sign of prosperity. However for those many workers that help to make the economy run: as service workers and as consumers, this impression is not achievable.

Higher employment is not a sign of success unless nearly all individuals can be supported on the basics at least. And with Gwinnett County, GA being similar to our national averages with home values near $195,000, median house income being $67,000, and the average housing costing at least $1,035 the basics are unreachable for the thousands of citizens relying on incomes between current federal minimum wage and expected minimum wage. As well, lowered unemployment is not a success if underemployment is not discussed alongside, or as it is a contributing factor as to why more people are unable to afford the basics.

But how can one justify a burger flipper at $15 wage?

A common rebuttal is that our economy is based on what we produce and how productive we are in terms of growth. Or is it justified to give Sally, a high school dropout or college interrupted, a wage of $15 for flipping a burger patty on top a hot grill. If what she as a worker, most likely part of a team, has one specific unskilled task then she is being overly compensated for what she produces and the result of her productivity. In our current economic state yes this is not justified and likely Sally will be replaced by automation to lower the cost of her unrealistic wage.

Still, where is the humanity?

Homelessness is caused by first low wage, job insecurity and/or unexpectedness. If the average low wage earner-a single guardian or parent, an elderly worker, or young student or graduate-cannot make a livable wage to offset the cost of living despite what each may produce then they are without a home.

Suburban Hard Knock

This week I’ve come across a local article about homelessness: Matt Elder wants to end Gwinnett’s homelessness issue in new position

Matt Elder, director of HomeFirst Gwinnett, has geared for the total eradication of homelessness and the precariously housed. He is doing his part by providing an accurate count of the homeless population existing within Gwinnett County, Georgia. As well, teaming with local and nationally recognized religious charities and ministerial organizations such as Family Promise and the Salvation Army. Part of the goal being to offer assistance and shelter for those also not accounted for; or those families and individuals unaccounted. This means the family of four residing in a extended stay hotel, commonly found at major highway and interstate points. The person using their car as a temporary or permanent stay. As well, help for those that are one paycheck or unfortunate circumstance away from losing their home.

Gwinnett County is a bustling suburban and culturally diverse area located just outside of Atlanta, GA. The population is in a positive continuing growth with new housing developments, businesses, and updates on major and frequented roads and highways. As well, a new college has taking its footing, Georgia Gwinnett College, in providing postsecondary education for the surrounding area and globally. One may become acquainted with a person from a different county within Georgia; another state; and a different country. With added languages and cultural differences seen with the businesses, clients and coworkers to know. The area aesthetic is clearly planned, one of affluence and one promising better opportunities. ‘Now Hiring’ signs are placed outside of doors and are listed on various online job boards. Also, beautiful homes, newly built, offer a goal in mind to have better in life. I am able to state this by first impression alone, without facts stated to me- as I first visited this county in the year 2011.

I was only a junior in high school planning to where I would go for college. I was encouraged to visit Gwinnett County by a relative whom had recently moved to Lawrenceville, GA. There I was astonished by the businesses, forwarded growth, and largeness of homes built. Not only that, a promise of a job, as I found it difficult to find employment in my hometown within Wilkes County, GA. As I will soon learn, many people either from the surrounding area of my home county or from a different state moved to Gwinnett County for an opportunity of some kind. An education, a job or career to then acquire what did, and unfortunately from some, remain as an imagined goal.

Unfortunately what Gwinnett County promises is obtainable by the few. Homelessness is one of the largest issues in the state of Georgia within Gwinnett County (The Atlanta Journal-Constitution), though nearly invisible due to the impression as aesthetically presented. It is estimated that about 300+ individuals and 1430 students are homeless, however the counts are not accurate (lowly counted/exclusions) or accounting for those precariously housed-cars, couch surfing or living in extended stay hotels (AJC). Those that reside here as natives of the county or moved to Gwinnett County that are doing well are those that have stable careers and well-paying incomes. As to consider this fact, the average reported income of Gwinnett County households is at least $61,865 with housing average monthly mortgage or rent cost being at least $1,499 (United States Census Bureau). Essentially, for someone to afford the cost of housing here alone will require a professional-career occupation, one of upper management, as well one as an executive assistant. This leaves the ‘Now Hiring’ signs displayed outside of restaurants, retail and small businesses being the only attainable income. As one income combined must be shared by multiple occupants of a single home.

This leads to the question Elder is posing: how will it be possible to erase homelessness within the county?

This requires understanding that the issue is not only unemployment and few visible homeless persons. So simple one may think homelessness is someone unemployed or another unemployed with clothes tattered asking for help, or none at all. Homelessness and precarious homelessness is of a national issue involving the increasing reliance on a service-based economy; the severity of underemployment coupled as a success of lowered unemployment or higher employment; the increasing cost of living versus stagnate wages and limited opportunities; and the importance on aesthetics and value.

I am interested in this topic because I am part of several statistics. A young recent college graduate facing student loan debt. One of thousands nationwide, and within Georgia that have obtained degrees without adequate opportunities given as a chance. As well one of thousands currently underemployed, or earning slightly or nearly above the federal minimum wage. Lastly, one that has been precariously housed and still unable to afford the cost of living in Gwinnett County, GA.

This has been a topic discussed before on my blog, though with emotion as I sorted through my situation with despair and anger. Homelessness, even if on someone else’s couch, or within my car, or a one night stay to wait out the storms of the past hurricanes are all depressing situations. A sense of loss, an inability to truly rest your mind and body even if sleep has been induced will weigh heavy on your shoulders. With my own situation I was feeling defeated, though not so much to truly give up and to give away what I do own-or to become visibly homeless. I was forthcoming, and told little lies when needed of my housing situation in order to not wallow in so much pain. As I can assume others experienced passive disdain, concern and little direction of where and how to go about fixing their problem.

Therefore, I am dedicating subsequent post on how and why homelessness is not only a county issue- that I have personally witnessed. This is an issue of education, opportunities, the economy, and so on comprising of multiple topics discussed alone such as unemployment and mental health. There may not be a total eradication of homelessness, but within a county, representative of a nation promising and emulating prosperity shouldn’t have as many counted homeless or the shamefully invisible.

Cross The Line

Never tell other people about your personal problems.

Never ever reveal how vulnerable you are to situations found common in every life.

Never expose yourself to others.

I have been told by family and strangers also that my problems, any person’s problem, are to be kept private. We, generally typing here, may feel inclined to inquire about a person’s woes and sorrows but that is only ‘polite’. No one wishes to be burden by what we all go through, especially at present.

No one wish to know that you too are struggling to afford rent, mortgage or a bill necessary to shelter life.

If you ever mention your troubles with work, finding a job adequate or simple enough to afford the necessities…find yourself chasing after a person to listen.

Why is that the case with our society? To avoid troubles and difficulties of others, yet to demand a persuasion of happiness.

If we are not creating an illusion, then why must we speak? Motivational speakers in our everyday life speak of overcoming a situation with applause in agreement. Don’t speak of it, simply overcome in order to prove that ‘this too shall pass’.

I’ll tell you something here: I want to listen.

Tell me more about your situation-a bank teller that smiles all day until you inquire more about her. She struggles to financially support her children.

A homeless man sits at the same corner all day and all night, until you inquire as to why he sits. He lost his way years ago, as a veteran and husband.

A crew member working alone to provide service to customers coming in all direction. She’s yelled at and scoffed; considered to be too incompetent. She was convinced by her manager that if she can handle this then a promotion will be handed to her. Disappointed now as she remains in her current position until quitting day.

A man steals and is caught. In jail he faces his time and I’ll ask why. He couldn’t afford what was needed so he took the items instead. So I ask, why not ask a stranger if they could help you with a purchase? To ask is to be considered a burden and and more of a reason for them to clutch their purses tighter. Not to be judgmental necessarily but to warn off those that have reached the breaking point they’ll never consider.

I find this all to be peculiarly devastating. Rallying in the polls we demand a politician to represent our interest to overcome. Though so polarized, one believes the other is not adequately heard by simple slight difference of opinion. A slight disagreement to alleviate the suffering of all others. This then, creates a bubble of arguments on top of the issue we all share. We are all troubled and struggling in some way and at some point in our lives.

You know, we could allow time to actively listen. If we can pull together in times of national crisis televised then we can do so for any and all people. To consider one stranger as person, then to understand that person being no different than our self.


Corruption begins when a person thinks of their self and personal afflictions. Corruption continues because this person cannot keep their own secret. They must share it and share with someone feeling obligated to comply to a demand.

You do this for me because I do for you. What you do for me, I’ll ensure to return the favor.

Lies are spun from the first panic effort to now a routine of lies to justify a system. Honesty, then, is seen as a threat and the first to reveal the lies are now a conflict of interest.

What you have done is complicate my benefit. What I will do to you is now a misplaced truth.

Guilty conscience is taught by nurture, for the most part, so we cannot lie or do so for long. We must tell, if ever the truth is told. We must reveal now but blame it on the most fair among us.

He did it and this is how it was done. I would have said something but to say anything at all would make me a target.

Some think to comply is more just than to be seen as an accomplice. The benefits seems to be like a cherry, in order to not consider the dire consequences.

The lost of a job, a career, a home, a family and any honor to your name is less important than the cherry on top.

And then to feel the bearing weight of a system crashing down on the tune of your whistle is seemingly too much to witness.

There is always a chance to evade consequences if someone else is to blame.

Here I think, why go through the trouble?

If you are stressed for money, why not choose honesty?

If you are stressed for an opportunity, why not choose honesty?

And if you are ever pressed to participate in either, then why not expose the selfish?

The attention is drawn to you and that is nerve racking. To speak up for oneself is nerve racking, however it is necessary if you ever want to clear your name. Make it be known to all that I care for integrity. I want for better, yet I’m not desperate. My actions are usually justified in its truth.

Let it be known what you stand for if so or if not pressured another way.

Angel Hollywood

“Now you understand

just why my head’s not bowed.

I don’t shout or jump about

or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

it ought to make you proud.”

A Phenomenal Woman, Maya Angelou

Some young women are naturally esteemed. Their aura commanding attention, even while expressing insecurities, playfully to reassure again that they are admired. For what it is worth, to be regarded so, is a breathable life sentence. Unless she forgets again that we all age, and fail to understand the remarkable attraction of matured beauty too. She’ll compare to what was yesterday and not to factor in her progression: a beautiful girl to young woman and now this, a matured lady. Beauty is as it is seen by her admirers, especially one so naturally gifted, but importantly as seen of herself. And so it seems most women may lose that sense of their self.

Other women attempt to achieve this sense, too, though unsuccessful with their pride diminished upon each word, look, or gesture that causes hurt. About other women, every possible chance to crush the glimpse of pride in her eyes most likely by an acquaintance. She is so often taunted and told otherwise of what she may state so boldly. My smile, is the best part of me. Your smile, as gaped as can be seen, why do you smile so often and about everything? She fades away to the eye. Her stance, then it is critiqued and criticized. You could be yourself, but not with the others, especially those that hold attention with high regard. You could be this way but you are always that way and now so easily pushed. Last, a comment made with a side eye and a sneer, any one made surely to break away attention; a gaze in her direction. A trick so often played by the acquaintance. Here I witness so many women held back by their own awakening – a sense of her own beauty.

To Angelou, we share our fascination of her. Her words and her wisdom, may I say her views of herself. How she could turn the heads of influential, remarkable, brilliant men to listen to her as equal. What was that sense about her? Angelou wrote of it, of herself, a phenomenal woman. You are one among many, a phenomenal woman. As you sing and dance, yet too shy to do before company . I still envision the same confidence within you. A phenomenal woman, despite what they say that may bring you down some.

To you I write, I see where you may be flawed. Whenever I see your head bowed with a voice whispered so low about being not pretty, I’m lost. Your eyes smile along with you as you express any thought of joy. Then without embarrassment you may sing to yourself and dance along to an image of yourself, but to stop if someone may take an interest. Why? In embarrassment, for so long you are told you cannot do what someone so naturally gifted may do. To be put down and criticized for every thought you may have of your own beauty. This is why I am lost, you are convinced of what others taunt while misunderstanding or timid. What they may refuse to acknowledge is not for you to expect in validation. As a young woman you must see, over time, that you are made as you may feel. You appear as you may have yourself. And that you can be renewed again, of confidence, if you so choose to see it.

1935- A Masterpiece

Well in the difficulty of writing novels or poetry. The tradition has always been [to describe things that have happened] you imagine them of course but nowadays everybody all day knows what is happening and so what is happening is not really interesting-does not really thrill anyone, it excites them a little but it does not really thrill them. The painter can no longer say that what he does is as the world looks to him because he cannot look at the world anymore, it has been photographed too much- now he does not want to say it because seeing it is not interesting. This has something to do with masterpieces and why there are so few of them but not everything.

Gertrude Stein

Here is an explanation of why masterpieces are so few, now-due to familiarity. There was once ‘awe’ in the unknown; so we have religion and spiritualism-past and those existence still influencing millions at present. There was once interpretation of reality displayed artistically. A display drawn or painted to reveal nature as a deconstruction, an alternate reality or even as an absence. So on and so forth with examples that describe what Stein was stating in her time that it may be difficult for generations to construct something beyond generations to come.

What is a masterpiece? It is most importantly a writer or an artist best expression of their self and mind. The work of art is highly revered, imitated, even displayed in a different artistic manner. For example, a book turned into film for a wider audience to appreciate the words visually enacted. However, this is all subjective. One person adoring Little Women may not enjoy No Country for Old Men. I must say that I enjoy the latter over the former.

Onto the point of subjectivity: what Stein is stating that artist now-still relevant to our own time, are not as inspired to create the best expression of their art. As a result these artist are not as intriguing as they could have been in another time, environment and so forth. As well, critics may say the artist subject, interpreted in any fashion, still cannot captivate imaginations that are exposed to all there is- it seems. Therefore, masterpieces are so few.

So I ask how do we inspire a new wave of eager minds ready to interpret what we all see and know too… This is a hard one as I agree that films are too uninspiring despite the technology to prove realism. We may laugh more at the finer details of CGI effects ‘so terrible’ of a horror film that we know are to display fictional imagery. The point being we were not made to forget that it was simply as it is-technology. Just as artist once made audience forget that ‘Little Women’ is simply a story of ordinary lives of female siblings of a point in time remote from our own. Just as ‘No Country For Old Men’ is another drug crime film. Or Vincent van Gogh painting his world as he saw it best. It is nature that he saw, a room, basically that he painted. It was himself, we know that he painted. However, someone that deemed any one of these listed above as a masterpiece was made to forget-instead became intrigued or even inspired.

It’s a trick of the mind that we seek-to take the world as Stein stated or to take from what we know to then create. To create more until the peak of one’s performance has been mastered. The art reflecting the best version of ourselves, then our art.

However, this should not be the point of creating something. Though it’s becoming a demand by all critics that all works of art must be worthwhile their time- short in attention and appreciation.

Alias Grace

Imagine, if you will, that you are a woman and your position in life is already compromised. Your body indicated for servitude both for vocation and male sexual desire. Your voice is silent before you speak. If you dare speak you are hysterical, or worse a whore not worth given credence. Your mind is easily susceptible to bad spirits and incomprehensible thoughts simply because you are born of a sex religiously deemed devious.


That is Grace Marks, a woman determined so by natural devices, at the age of 15 or 16 years old. An Irish immigrant already expected poverty. Already, so early she is to be told by society what her body is good and useful for and that is servitude.

Every order given to her is expected of utmost obedience. Every action by her own is acted as innocence.

If she ever denies any order she is suddenly ‘filthy’, a ‘whore’, or ‘untrustworthy’.

What stood out to me in this miniseries is the ‘doctor of the mind’. A psychiatrist named Simon, given permission to have sessions with Grace in order to stir her memory of the events again. Then again, what memories are there to stir if the events of murder were never seen or properly recollected? Regardless he was curious, always on the edge, sleepless even to know more about Grace and her story. Simon had supposed that Grace was either somewhere along the lines of insanity or a woman who had found a means to break away from the suppression of her body.

She had become clever, he thought even. To express what one may think is rage against what was done to her and any other woman; or to express her anger of suppression. Suppression- that is to clean and to care at so young of an age. Suppression- that also means to give her body to any man’s will with a command for her consent. She had then created an audience with her hysterics. An audience composed of wealthy gossipers and then potential romantic partners, including Simon. He then supposed that that was her intention, even one that cost nearly her life.

It’s definitely a curious subject here. If you were a woman of that time period-and had to witness what that meant exactly, would you become a fiend to speak on it?


Another yesterday news described the sudden death of a 10 year old. Under the constant agony of children too limited to understand that words in fact hurt, the young child had committed suicide.

Some of the first defense by adults is to blame the victim. The victim was not tough enough. The victim should have been taught to fight back. The victim should have been taught to meet violence with violence, and to equal harsh words with their own. Why the need to ‘toughen’ the victim with this idiocy-a world where we are expected to be cruel and nasty? Why? It’s with this understanding that the world isn’t nice and life isn’t fair, therefore only the ‘weak minded’ may slip away as the ‘strong willed’ succeed. This is life and this is the first lesson.

What, just why should there be a need to defend at all? Not just a child, as this issue extends well into adulthood- and we wonder how young bullies are shaped and made. We are always taught to, or even expected to allow the bully to win over our minds and confidence by engaging them in their own struggle. If we lose, yet live we proved our worth still, even if it may escalate the bully’s intentions. If we win, we proved our worth, may even expose the cowardice of the bully. If we fail to meet the pointless challenge to the bully’s ego it is then society that hounds us for not defending our worth. And it is pointless to engage as with this understanding we allow the bully to control the situations of either a life scarred or of sudden death. We then make it seem as if the bully is in the ‘right’, while all others unable to or not willing to engage are in the ‘wrong’.

I mean I understand the pointless matter of this challenge all too well. Growing up not understanding why I, quiet and only concerned with myself, would find harsh words lashed at me. Or to hear of false assumptions about my character used as a weapon. Or in some cases, being physically ridiculed in front of witnesses to test my patience. I had only lost my patience once. This extends from memories of an 8 year old to that of 21 year old in college, in a communal situation. For the life of me I could not understand why I was tested, essentially. Comments made about my appearance, lack of engagement in social settings, etc, etc. I had to be told that it’s a game we play to disturb the peace of an individual so that their worth is proved. Again, only once did I engage. He kicked me and laughed so I kicked him back, madly. All that I learned is that I was furious that my peace was disturbed and I didn’t feel any better being just as equally cruel and nasty. He had won me over, and I played his game. All other altercations I ignored with my face quenched or to show that I was slightly annoyed but no longer listening. At some point I had allowed them to talk, to laugh and to point at me until this became ‘boring’ to them. Left alone only for a moment, for another person or group to test me yet again. Until now no longer.

I was never driven to suicide or self harm, but depression did take a hold of me during these times. Not that their words and actions hurt me, just that I was more so hurt that this is how they were towards someone seemingly different. And hurt by that I must endure this treatment to be taught a lesson, or to be told ‘this is simply how people are so get on board and play along or become left.’ For others like myself we may move along and endure, others play, and some others ‘fail to defend’.

We shouldn’t have to allow our world to be met and decided by that of a bully. We should not have to defend, to allow the peace of an individual to be disturbed. This too should be taught and engrained into our children so that they may forever silence the adult bully. We should not have to do anything other than to counsel the bully, to source the root of their unwillingness to live peacefully-as the problem lies and first begin with that person.

Mud Bound

Movie story lines usually leave the story that I find more interesting. Here in MudBound (2017) the story about the woman leaves me interested for more.

The story begins with a woman describing the mud surrounding the home, really a shack-like place on a farm. The year is near the end of World War II. Men are being sent back home to where they no longer belong; one other sent to their grave. It’s another story about familiarity and the effects of a changing environment. You know where you have gone out to experience that there is more than the world you first knew at any age. So you’ll find any means to escape, or to find someone else to relate. In the end you may or may not find that place where you belong, but in this film the men will do.

The woman.

She is already nearing her middle ages and not yet married. A woman from a family middle class meets a man assumed to be similar in social status. By no means is she a farmer, nor does he mention his background to her. But as women are expected to be told at a later time, whenever it’ll suite him to reveal that there is a farm he wants to plow and a nice farmhouse he wants his family to reside in. ‘You’ll like, you’ll see’. She must hush her initial fuss about this news of moving on from what and where she is familiar.

Through some scheme and false transaction, the dream home for his family is just that-imagined. Instead he moves them to the shack, among the ‘blacks’ but we know in this time another word was stated. At this point, she looks about a house with a leaking roof, mud all around ruining one of her best dress heels. She can only tolerate so much, and so she tells him she can only tolerate so much up to this point.


Outside of her element she did learn a few things. She knows her way around a shotgun. She’s not too squeamish about the initial acts of providing protein for her children. She even became accustomed to not bathing for most days of the week. However, once the children became sick her ability to care for both her children and home became too overwhelming. In fact, help turned into ‘I can’t do this (alone)’. In the slightest, the black tenant farmer on down the road somewhere must lend his wife for paid assistance.

At first the woman is strong, allowing her new environment to teach her a lesson about survival. However, in an instance does she give away her power ‘to know’ to someone who knows more by traditional upbringing.  I want to know more about her story, as it turns to love instead. I want to know how did she manage to cope once the black tenants packed and moved away.

How did she come to find where she belongs?

Well some people are fortunate to find where they belong, soon as the men do. However, not the woman. In any indication where her story ends her life is that of a farmer’s (sharecropper) wife, still outside of her element. Inside her home is a piano and books, fine China and whatever else the white tenants down the road somewhere are not familiar. In any other case she proves to be unfaithful, once again to marry the first man that saw her. But now no longer sheltered she knows her desires, still she assumes a voice whenever in objection to her husband. Where does she go or does she simply comply in slight misery til death?

In those times, back then I’ll assume she remains in slight misery.